Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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