Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
