there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
