No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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