I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
