some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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