My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
