so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize