beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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