I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
