A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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