Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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