Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
