We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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