You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Verdict: uncircumcised.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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