Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
