He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
