Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
