Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
