is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
