Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
