I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
