Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
