forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
