I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
