AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
