you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
