first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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