She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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