I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
