my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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