U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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