i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
