Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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