My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a beard to bite.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
