oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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