dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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