I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
