This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
