so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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