I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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