Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
