Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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