I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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