Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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