How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
