While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
