Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
