oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
