I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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