PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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