Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
