It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I know her cup size but not her name....
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