My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
