Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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