Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
