I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
