So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
