Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
