I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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