never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
