and you said cock pushups were impossible
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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