But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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