So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
