Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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