I'm pants shitting drunk right now
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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