Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
