Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
