I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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