apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
