well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
