I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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