I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
