when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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